WHAT ATTRACTS US TO A PERSON IS WHAT SEPARATES US
Arantxa Devia
Some time ago I heard the sentence “What attracts us to someone is what separates us”. I thought about it for a while. I catched myself thinking about it along the day, while working, practicing yoga, eating or even when having random conversations. How could it be posible that what we liked initially, what draw our attention and probably part of what made us fall in love with that person was precisely what keep us from being together? A few quesions came to my mind.
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Often when we fall in love we tend to become selfish and we want that person to give us all their attention and energy and so we do. Often it means giving up on things that are part of our essence. After a while we are not the same people we used to be and therefore not the people that fell in love with each other anymore. That person is not happy and neither do we. Wrong.
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It separates us because what attracts us to that person at first place is out of the ordinary. I would say that it is, normally, free life styles: being a nomad, open to new experiences, working as a freelance, etc. From outside it looks cool but it can be difficult to match with the idea we have of how a relationship should be: a relationship where you see the person daily, you make plans together often and that evolves normally through other people’s eyes. Wrong.
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Those kind of questions made me consider which is the relationship I want vs. the one that society expects or assume is right. What is it that is good for me vs. fulfilling other’s expectations.
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I refused to think that what attracted me to my partner was what would make us a part. Through that denial, the growth came up. If I did not want that to happen, I needed to find out what bothered me. I needed to figure what I really wanted out. And to undersdand why was I resisting what was already flowing, the beliefs behind my insecurities, and where my doubts and anxiety were coming from.
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For me every little change made from there on means grow. It is ownership. It is living your life as you want to and no how it is supposed to be lived or how it is given. Those small changes for me are love. Love towards yourself because you stop fighting hence getting exhausted. Then you start flowing in harmony with what is.
I invite you to dare to reconsider some things in your life, start for the small ones and go a little further questioning why do you do it, what does it bring to you, for whom you do it, how do you feel before and afterwards, etc. From there start listening to yourself and start making conscious choices that make you feel good with yourself, that make you feel loved.
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Love for me is beautiful if it is free, if it allows you to grow in all directions, if it allows you to be and let be; if it allows you to fly- in company if you want- and let the other fly.
