Psychology
SAYING NO IS ALSO AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE
“The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It's very easy to say yes. "
CRISTINA TORO
Cristina is a Colombian-Canadian holistic healer, spiritual coach, and motivational speaker. She focuses on teaching self-love and forgiveness. In 2011 she began to make awareness about the importance of leading their lives from the energy of love, that is how she founded Love Promoters, a company that is now 10 years old, for all of those who are interested in learning about how love can benefit their lives.
Your life is based on decisions, most of the time, decisions involve others. The question that usually arises is, should I say YES or NO? And many times without thinking much about it, the answer is yes, leaving the consequences for the future.
However, is it really the future the one in charge of your decisions? No, your decisions are your decisions and you must be responsible for them. So the next time someone asks you for something, I invite you to think twice before saying YES.
Do you find yourself saying Yes more than No?
Since we were little we have been taught to please everyone and not to be "selfish", thinking about ourselves was not an option. As a result, we did not learn to love ourselves and to use the word NO to save ourselves from some uncomfortable situations.
Making others happy was the goal.
Evaluate this list and see if you really feel this when you say, NO:
Fear of not being included: by a group, by your friend, your partner, your family and children.
You feel invaluable: this is why you feel the urge to help all the time without measuring the consequences, because every time you do something for someone and they give you something back, it is like a reward for you; makes you feel valuable.
You feel guilty: you don't want others to feel bad, and you don't want to feel bad about yourself, "If I don't, I'm a bad friend." "I'm either selfish or a bad person, if I don't help."
You do not feel enough: you fill yourself with many commitments, because being overloaded makes you feel responsible and a good caregiver.
You avoid conflict: Many of us fear conflict. We don't like others to get angry with us or criticize us. Therefore, we avoid saying “no” when we are afraid that it will put us in conflict with another person, be a partner, a colleague or friend, a supervisor or a boss. Many of us also try to avoid fights with our children, because we feel that if we say "no" to them, they will stop loving us.
Kristin Wong showss us why we have to learn to say No more often:
"Humans are social animals that thrive on reciprocity. It's in our nature to be socially helpful, and the word NO feels like a confrontation threatening a potential bond. But when we give an easy yes instead of a hard no, we tend to overcommit our time, energy and finances. "
Here are some simple steps you can follow to easily learn how to say no and get out of difficult commitments, remember that saying no is also an expression of love:
1.
Stop, slow down and before saying YES, do not compromise your being with things that do not bring you satisfaction or joy, do not do things just out of commitment or to make someone else happy.
3.
Free yourself from other people's comments about you. What matters is your own approval.
5.
Be a guide, not a servant.
7.
Evaluate whether or not it is worth losing peace and harmony when you say YES, rather than no.
9.
Learn to love yourself.
2.
You are the first, remember when you travel by plane, who puts on the mask first? If you don't take care of yourself, who will take care of you?
4.
Say NO to criticism, to judge and reproach.
6.
Allow others to test for themselves, if the learning for them is great, at the same time avoid controlling the results.
8.
Improve your communication skills.
In my work as a therapist over the years, I have certainly seen many people who compromise their happiness with others, because they do not have the ability to comprehend, that saying No is another way of expressing love; love for themselves and others, generally these people end up with a lot of burden and unsatisfying relationships.
I invite you to practice the simple steps above and feel free to comment on your results. Remember that loving yourself is the best way to achieve everything in life.
Wishing you all the best!
LOVE IS THE ANSWER