MY HIGHLY SENSITIVE SUPERPOWER: A Tale Of Shadow And Light
Elodie Behravan-Koupaei
One of my earliest memories in life is my 4th birthday celebration. Like every birthday from the ages of 3-6, this one was celebrated at the local chiqui parque (your typical kiddie park with an indoor bouncy house, bowls upon bowls of cheese puffs, marshmallows and co., and a friendly albeit slightly creepy clown). But what I remember about this birthday isn’t the face paint or sticky fingers, and rather the moment that the dreaded happy birthday song came on.
As the overhead lights dimmed and everyone quietened down, I distinctly remember a pang of fear and shame rushing over me – memories from the year before. I can think back to my smiling eyes darting to my mother as they welled up with tears. And I recall very clearly how the floodgates opened in an unstoppable manner with the first “haaaaappy birthday to you” and my mom rushing to comfort me as I sobbed through the remainder of the happy birthday anthem.
Let me briefly clarify; it wasn’t that I hated celebrating my birthday. In fact, I also remember having a blast playing with my friends, hopping and dancing around the place as if I had no care in the world. What frightened me and filled me with utter dread and anxiety was the loud music, the multicoloured lights, and the 20-something pairs of eyes watching me. It outright scared me.
What I didn’t know at that tender age, was that I’m a highly sensitive person. And that doesn’t always mesh well with loud music, bright lights and large crowds. Perhaps you’ve heard the term before, perhaps it’s entirely new to you. Either way, I’d like to shed light on the reality of what it’s like to be highly sensitive (spoiler: it’s not the nightmare I just described).
In essence, a highly sensitive person (or HSP for short) has a more sensitive nervous system, meaning they tend to be more affected by emotional, social and physical stimuli. HSPs also have a deeper depth of processing, leading them to relate and compare information or experiences to past experiences and other similar things. It’s not a diagnosis or disorder but rather a personality trait that’s found in about 15-20% of the population.
What this looks like in reality differs from person to person, but there are a few tell-tale signs, such as: an aversion to violence in the media; being easily affected by the energy and moods of others; feeling emotions very deeply and intensely; being very perceptive of your environment; being very sensitive to lights, smells and loud noises; feeling overwhelmed in crowded places; and needing alone time to decompress and recharge, amongst many others.
For years I tried to suppress my sensitivity – to “toughen up,” as they’d say. But the more I fought against it, the more challenges I faced. Because the truth is, trying to reject your sensitivity is like trying to deny your identity. It’s not only how I am but also who I am. I am someone who will feel with you, I am someone who will notice if the picture is hanging ever so slightly askew, and I am someone who will dim the lights to create a better ambiance.
Being an HSP does have its shadow sides. This most commonly looks like overwhelm and overstimulation (which are umbrella terms for the tiredness, agitation, fear, frustration, discomfort or annoyance we HSPs can feel when we’re not giving ourselves enough time and space between the action to downregulate our nervous system and recharge).
But there are also beautiful facets of the trait – benefits dare I say! – that I wouldn’t trade for the world. For one, I have what my partner likes to call ‘supersonic smell’ – AKA the ability to recognise smells very quickly, which quite literally saved our lives that one time I left the gas on in the kitchen. It’s not that HSPs necessarily have a better sense of smell, but rather that we’re very perceptive of our environment, often noticing subtleties others might miss. So even a slight change in environment (like a change in scent) instantly led my HSP brain to stop, process, reflect and act.
Like many other HSPs, I’m also very empathetic and can easily relate and tune in to what other people are feeling, allowing me to provide the right kind of support when needed. As much as that means that I can feel people’s pain and suffering, I also revel in their joy and successes (and for the negative feelings I pick up on, I’ve learned to set energetic boundaries to keep my spirits up even when those around me are down).
But probably the most powerful facet of the trait for me – the one that truly makes me view this as my superpower – is the ability to reflect and process information and events on such a deep level. It enables me to learn from my mistakes and apply past learnings almost instinctively to new situations.
As HSPs, we tend to process information into what psychologists call ‘semantic memory’ – a kind of long-term memory associated with meaning, understanding and other concept-based knowledge. What this enables me to do in practice is to go so deep into a thought, idea, concept or experience that there is always a nugget of learning, realisation and growth attached to it. It’s like finding a golden treasure at the bottom of the ocean every time I give myself the space and time to go there. It’s like a hidden superpower that I can either use for good or evil – good when I use it expansively; evil when I use it to spiral.
What I hope you are starting to see now is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Having the HSP trait is a double edged sword – it has its benefits and also its challenges. But with the right understanding, tools and support, you can turn your sensitivity into your superpower. In fact, you can use those facets of the trait that present you with challenges to actually overcome those challenges! Learning how to do that has been the greatest accomplishment of my life, and the most valuable one too.
If you’re a HSP reading this, I hope you explore this beautiful, wondrous trait of yours. I hope you explore the good and the bad, and how you can use the good to overcome the bad. I hope that you explore embracing it rather than going against it. And that you realise that being sensitive is not something to hide away in the shadows, but rather something to shine a warm light on.
Elodie is a Holistic HSP Coach supporting highly sensitive women to build resilience and deep inner strength holistically in order to cope with overwhelm and overstimulation. You can find her on Instagram at @holistically.elodie.
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